I Love God
Topic: Confessions
Today I encountered a demon, whether it was external or of my own heart is unknown. It told me that I love Sarah more than God, and attempted to convince me that the only reason I'm converting to Roman Catholocism is for her approval. It almost succeeded in its mission. After listening to the demon, I decided to go back to Eastern Orthodoxy and abandon the Truth of Roman Catholocism. Of course, this decision was quickly voided when the identity of my attacker became obvious. I write this entry as a victory note, for today I've conquered the demon of doubt that haunts my heart. If he comes back, the love that God and I share will utterly destroy him, for there is no greater love than that of God Himself! I pray that I may be found worthy enough to ascend to Him through the glory of martyrdom! My sweet Lord Jesus Christ, I love you above all things and persons! Have mercy on me! Amen.

Regrets About The IB Program
Topic: Academics
The IB program has stolen my childhood and my innocence. It has stressed me beyond my limits, and aged me beyond my years. It has destroyed my health on several occasions. Could it be that I'm doing these things to myself? Why must man strive to prove himself, when in his heart he is already proven? I joined the IB program because of pride. I continue to endure it because of honor. I will abandon it because of love, but not until I see it through to the very end.

IB Computer Project
Topic: Academics
Mrs. Deases scolded me today for not having my IB project done. If only she knew what I'm going through right now! I will get the project done, there's no doubt about that, but I'm watching in terror as my Spring Break dwindles before my eyes. Please, let me have just one day off. I'm so exhausted. Why do the teachers give us so much homework? I've learned the hard way that achievements are not what life is about. It is about God, specifically love and repentance. Why did I not realize this sooner?

Physics Lab Day
Topic: Academics
I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, I mean, honestly, seven labs to right up over Spring Break? Mrs. Willars must be insane! Oh well, I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, or makes me bored out of my mind! I wish I didn't have so much homework. Imagine all the time I'll have to myself next year. Hopefully I'll be able to get myself to Mass more than once a week.

My Sinful Assumptions
Topic: Confessions
Something has been weighing on my mind lately. I feel guilty for even thinking about converting Sarah to Eastern Orthodoxy. Look at me, I'm a Roman Catholic within my heart now! How can a man change so much in just a year? How can he abandon the Faith of his childhood for the coldness of the world, and yet in the end find an even greater solace? Almighty God Jesus Christ most high, how could I have even supposed to know your mind? Please forgive me, and save my soul from eternal damnation. Drive all the lustful thoughts from my heart, and replace them with love divine!

My Need To Be Understood
Topic: Romance
I'm afraid that my religious conversations are slowly driving Sarah away. She seems to think that all I ever talk about is Church, and perhaps she's right. But if only I could share my love for God with her, if only I could open the recesses of my heart to her eyes, then she would truly understand me. I know she's an altar girl and all, but I often wonder if she really understands the gravity of her position, and the high status and favor she holds with me and perhaps even God Himself. Show me a creature with more grace than Sarah! There is none. I thank the Lord my God with all my heart for giving her to me every day, and promise that I shall let no evil touch her, nor any sorrow crush her.

The Maronite Church
Topic: Spirituality
I've found a Maronite Catholic Church. Hopefully, I can convince Sarah to go there with me over Spring Break. The Maronite Rite is completely alien to me, and is supposedly very close to the ancient Jews in its Liturgical practices. I can't wait! Its praxis is one of the oldest within the Church. I certainly hope Sarah enjoys it.
One thing bothers me though, why would the Holy Father discourage Eastern Rite Catholics from visiting Western Rite parishes? I guess it's to help preserve their individual cultural heritage, which makes sense. Look at me, I've so confused between the East and the West that I honestly don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore!

My Sins
Topic: Confessions
I've decided that it would be helpful to record my sins and darker emotions, so that I may constantly be reminded of my shortcomings and the need to improve. I hope that this will be acceptable to God, as I cannot obtain absolution from a priest. Usually, people destroy documents containing lists of their sins after they go to confession, however, I think that I will preserve mine, lest I fall into them again. That way, I can remind myself of how I escaped from them the first time, and hopefully be able to purify myself once again.

My First Kiss
Topic: Romance
I received my first kiss from Sarah Gray today. It was moist, but warm, and I felt a flood of emotions after it. I love her unconditionally. Her charm, grace, piety, and intelligence are irresistable. I know that the probability of us getting married is significantly remote due to the fact that we are both new to dating and very young, but still, I'm praying for a miracle. O Lord, please allow the love between Sarah and I to grow, flourish, and mature, all while being guided by your merciful grace. Amen.

Prayer Journal Begun
Topic: Spirituality
Today I've decided to start an online journal to track and monitor my spiritual development. As of now, I'm a prospective member of the Roman Catholic Church. Father Larry and I talked for a time, and hopefully we'll be able to meet over Spring Break. I also recieved a blessing from Father Michael. Both priests are very wonderful people, and I look forward to their guidance. Hopefully, I will be in full communion with the Catholic Church by Easter next year.